Royal Baby Shambles

I am so depressed.  Down in the dumps.  What with a ton of baby, a big-headed boy from his balding and big-headed daddies newly out into the public arena. 

 That’s right.  His daddies.  Not one but two.  One dumber than the other.  One with a tad more hair than the other (not under the armpits though) but just as dumb.  One not truly a daddy as one was not truly his daddy and I am going back to bed to weep.

Welcome to the world of dis-order and confusion that is a Baby shambles.  Before he can toddle.  They shamble.


O.K.  It is I, of the hateful nature wanting Kate and her 2 ton son to…, ah, basically go away.  For ever.  And take his daddies and the rest of them with you.

My life is so real that I cannot fathom yours and cannot even desire it.  To me, your life would be death.

So I live on this Council Estate with no car and no baby and a bloody lot of  rejects, and crack-heads.  So I do not have enough money to purchase a new and unused blanket.  So I cannot  pretend even that I find you or your hubby even vaguely interesting, worthwhile or worth looking at.  So I am unable to not use even twice in one short sentence.  So what?!

Go shut yourselves up in that Tower and never come out.  Hackney is bad enough without you lot being splattered all over everything………….  Ooh.  On second thoughts, you lot being splattered…….

You lot being plastered all over the bleeding Hackney circuit is all I could want.

Ain’t it. (?) Innit?  Ennet?

And it is Cockney Heritage Week or some such as well.

I am pissed to the max.

Cockney King'sCockney King’s (Photo credit: kennymatic)

Stay out of my vision, sight, hearing, in fact all of my senses.

Stay out of the blithering newspaper.  I do not want to see your picture on the front back or any page of my cheap and free local rags.  Have you no morals, respect or even the pretense of dignity?  Sheesh!!

Take your cannonball of a baby, stuff him in a cannon and shoot him off to Wales.  That is to where he belongs.  Get it?

Now why not name him Charles Walford Wales the 5th?

What a shambles.  Who ever heard of an 8lb+ Royal Baby?  G-d!  You ought to be ashamed.  Can’t hide it now!!

Me?  I am off and running.  The juggernauts are coming.